Random Oddities
Product Evaluations That Fell Through The Cracks
Text and Photography by Kevin Shaw
People give me a hard time when I tell them about the various manufacturers who provide me and my staff sample products to test out. Recently, GoPro Cameras sent Personal Watercraft Illustrated and its parent news magazine, Cycle News, a handful of the company's latest rough-and-tumble portable cameras, the Motorsports HERO. Not only that, but GoPro saw fit to include a bevy of other mounting harnesses including a helmet mount, chest harness mount, headband mount and handlebar mount.
We've used and enjoyed the GoPro cameras before and plan on using whatever footage we glean from these new cameras to update our website throughout the year. The GoPros are sturdy, rugged, and are amazingly able to record crisp film footage while being beaten up on open ocean or while mounted to the hull of a freerider's ski. It's really impressive stuff. I personally plan on attaching one to the suspended deck of the new Sea-Doo RXT iS 255 during this July's LB2CAT race.
But, sometimes, the things I get from companies across the globe just don't make the grade. Other times, the product is not exactly suited for our reading audience and wouldn't really fit in Personal Watercraft Illustrated. Most notably of these items were a duo of direct-application deodorant-type sticks, "Pain Zone" and "Chafe Zone." Remember those "Head-On; Apply Directly to the forehead advertisements?" Yeah, it's sort of like that.
The idea behind the two products were to A) alleviate topical, isolated pain (aches, tenderness, sore joints, etc.) and B) prevent chafing in certain areas of the body prone to...um, chafing. Many have used "Chafe Zone" on their palms, inner thighs, and groin prior to riding (off-road and on mountain bikes) and have seen results worthy of posting online forums (sort of like this). I tried Pain Zone twice and it felt like I was putting on menthol deodorant and it smelled like Vick's VapoRub. Oh well...
Next on the list was "Suit juice," a wetsuit spray lubricant that helps you slide in and out of your wetsuit easier. I tried this once and wasn't quite sure whether I was supposed to spray it on me or inside of my wetsuit, so I just doused the both of us in the stuff. Feeling sufficiently slick, I resisted the desire to see how far I could slide myself across our epoxy-coated garage floor and slipped into the wetsuit. If you're curious, yeah, it worked, but at the cost of feeling like a banana slug. Again, not really a winner.
Our most infamous entry was "American Blast." Yet another upstart energy drink manufacturer chasing the tails of Monster Energy and Red Bull, American Blast contacted me nearly a year ago asking if Personal Watercraft Illustrated was "daring enough" to try out this product. Ironically, I should have heeded their wording.
We're currently nurturing a pretty unhealthy energy drink addiction around the Personal Watercraft Illustrated offices. So much so, that I'm certain that 20 years from now, when caffeine is finally revealed to cause early-onset Alzheimer's and impotence in men, associate editor Justin will be one of the first to join the class action lawsuit.
I, on the other hand, typically don't drink sodas (especially not energy drinks), so it's rare when I slurp down the occasional Monster or Amp. So, I'm not really a great judge. Anyways, when the box finally arrived, we happily passed out the cans to our whole staff awaiting their reactions.
Swallowing the heavily carbonated drink was nearly painful, its stabbing acidity biting at my throat as it cascaded down into my stomach. Having the inverse effect of an antacid, I quickly felt bloated and ill. Almost immediately, I was struck with a headache so severe that no amount of "Pain Zone" could relieve.
Justin also felt nauseous, while our Ad Coordinator, Rhonda actually broke out into a red rash on her arms and neck. If I'm not mistaken, our promotions guy, Doug, actually broke out into hives while sales associate Dave blacked out or lost sight in one eye. Either way, American Blast was not a winner.
While, we're always happy to try out new things like the over-publicized ShamWow and the Snuggie, we're also looking for things that our readership would actually want to use. And not oddities like this:
Go Get Wet!
Kevin
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